A Man Goes Bananas

Not one convincing argument could persuade Jabok Sabil that he was anything but beast. He had spent hours studying at the University of Cambridge and came to the conclusion that he was governed by instinct and that his ancestors were apes. Morals were fleeting vapors to him. He did what he pleased, slept with whomever he lusted after, and spoke whatever words came to mind. Even his job was governed by instinct. In his mind, he was the fittest of all scientific and philosophic minds. Furthermore, if by some chance some other scientist or philosopher was fitter, his theory that only the fittest survive would be proven!

 ~ The Visit ~

Today was the day! The University of Evolutionary Theory had invited him, of all people, to speak at the largest conference in history! He hurriedly ran a comb through his hair, his fingers trembling as he did so. To think that he of all beasts on earth had been chosen as the greatest. He flexed his muscles in the mirror and admired his combed hair. Only a superior being had the right to look as good as himself. 

He glanced at the clock only to find that in all the excitement he could have slept an hour longer. Forcing himself to slow down, Jabok strolled into the kitchen, started his espresso coffee making machine, grabbed his iPhone and plopped down on the couch. At that precise moment, the door bell rang. Sighing, he headed for the door, checking his image in the mirror on the way there. He peered out the peep hole and let his eyes rest on a smiling African American with teeth as white as can be and eyes that could pierce any soul. The guy knew he was being looked at, because his eyes twinkled as he waved at the peep hole.

Jabok opened the door and was greeted with a fountain of words, “Brother Jabok! Nice of you to finally be so kind as to open the door. I have been ringing your doorbell for generations! Would you be so kind as to let me all the way in?” Speechless, Jabok moved to the side as the man walked in and seated himself on a kitchen chair. “Now, since I have been neglected for so long, I decided to come and visit you in person. I know it is not standard procedure, mind you, but it is completely necessary.”

Regaining his composure, Jabok also seated himself in a kitchen chair and asked, “What is so important that you could not come to my office?”

“Well, I have come to show you that the theories that you have contrived over the years are completely, well, disgusting!”

“They are by no means disgusting!” shouted Jabok. “I have spent years logically using the scientific method to…”

The man interrupted, held up his hand, and pointed out the window. “Tell me what do you see out your window there?”

“A few trees, a pond, some birds…., but what does that have to do with anything?” Exasperated, Jabok stomped toward the door. “Kindly sir, I will escort you out.”

“Actually, I am not leaving until I have finished my business here.” In frustration, Jabok sat down on the kitchen chair. An audible crack pierced the air and the chair collapsed. Jabok found himself looking at a ceiling he had neglected to clean for years. The man’s eyes twinkled as he said, “Maybe you will listen now my stubborn friend. I would like you to look out the window again and tell me what you see without escorting me to the door.”

Finding it useless to resist, Jabok replied, “I see a tree, a pond, some birds, grass, and the sun.”

“Yes, I see all those things too, but what do you see. What is the big picture?”

“Nature’s out there and that’s it man! And it all came about with the giant expansion in the universe.”

“Very true, but what caused this expansion, friend?”

“Most likely some random points in time.”

“And what caused those random points in time to come into being?”

“Your point?”

“Take a look at yourself, do you really believe that you came about by chance?”

“You know what I think, I refuse to listen to this nonsense any longer! My theory stood fast for approximately twenty years. It has been tested over and over throughout time. Most people accept my theory as fact! You seem to be the only idiot who does not!”

A shadow passed over the eyes of the stranger. Gloom settled on the room as he said, “Do you realize who you are talking to? I am not sure I can call you a friend any longer. So, I will address you as stranger. Stranger, can you explain why humans have a sense of what is right and what is wrong? Can your scientific method explain that?” 

“Elementary, stranger, there is no right or wrong. I can do whatever I think feels good. Whatever is, is right.” 

“Please hand me that towel.” Jabok laughed in triumph and threw the towel at his face. The man wrapped the towel around his fist and walked over to the window. With a cry of anguish and anger, the man punched the window out.

Jabok’s face grew red and he yelled, “Hey, that is just wrong! Do you realize how much I spent…” He hesitated as the man’s question settled in his head. Why do humans have a sense of what is right and what is wrong.

“Jabok, I did not want to do this, but since you refuse to listen to my words, from this point on you will live the life of a beast that you claim as your ancestor. And you will remain so until you can acknowledge that you are not a beast, but instead a man created in the image of God, to be His companion!” 

~ The Monkey ~

--- Day 1 ---

So life as a monkey isn’t that bad is it? At least it is better then admitting that my ancestors were not monkeys. Right? I have developed a taste for bananas. Lovely things they are. Whoops, just dropped some on this journal. Wait a minute, can monkeys write?!

--- Day 2 ---

Today I was concerned that the University would notice my absence at the meeting yesterday being that I was supposed to speak and everything. So, I decided to give them a call. Only to find that not only can monkeys not write, but they also cannot speak! Here is how the conversation went:

“Hello, University of Evolutionary Theory here. How may I help you?”

“Haer haer haer haer haar ha.”

“Is this a prank call?”

“Heeaar Maeee Spaeeek?”

They hung up after that statement. And I thought I was doing pretty good!

--- Day 3 ---

I broke my lamps today. Funny thing is, I did not feel disappointed when I did it. Could it be that monkeys have no feelings?

--- Day 4 ---

Ok, so my house is a mess now. I still feel no remorse over the broken lamps or even the floor covered in monkey scat. Furthermore, I am running out of bananas. I am thinking that maybe I should make a run to the store.

--- Day 5 ---

After running two miles to the store, I began to hate being a monkey. Everyone kept looking at me weird. Furthermore, I hated having to look up to people rather look down at people. It was horrid. To make matters worse, when I picked up a bunch of bananas off the rack, I was shot in the back with some kind of tranqilizer. Now I am sitting in a zoo where people look at me weird all the time. It is worse then jail, mind you. 

P.S. Monkeys are more suited to the trees!

--- Day 6 ---

I cannot bear it any longer. I can’t talk, can’t write, can’t think, can’t feel, can’t this, and can’t that! I am not a monkey! God made humans in his own image because he desired companionship. He desires my companionship of all things! And all this time I thought that my ancestors were monkeys! There is no way that my former theories are correct! And that man who visited me? Could he have been God himself?

~ The Awakening ~

“Sir, what are you doing in the monkey cage?”

“Uh, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. But believe me, I am not a monkey!”

“That much is obvious. Uhhhh, you really should get some clothes on. It would be totally indecent if some young lady walked by….”

The new Jabok Sabil gasped and ran behind a tree in an effort to hide his indecency. “Just get me out of here kind sir! And would you mind getting me some clothes while you are at it? I don’t have any in this here prison!”